I recently got verbally pummeled by someone in a meeting. I didn’t know it was coming, and how could I have known – I hadn’t done what they very authoritatively said I had done – divulging a confidence. I tried without whining to state the facts – which my wild and crazy pummeler had all wrong, and said I would get the information needed to show that this person had been misinformed, or had misunderstood the situation.
Then I inwardly freaked! I looked like an idiot. People who knew me were sure there was some mistake, but others must have thought I was a world class louse!
The very next day, I received a phone call that began with the two big words, “I’m sorry”. (See an article by Chuck Gallozzi I found after all this on the subject of apologies -- good stuff on owning up, righting wrongs and growing from it all.) This person told that me he had totally misinterpreted the information he had received. That he had jumped to conclusions, and he told me why, which involved his past experience with someone else who had been divisive, and how that had made him wary, and had made him too quick to jump to conclusions.
He shared a part of his past and life experience with me, and asked what he could do to make it up to me, in addition to personally calling every person in the meeting and telling them he had been wrong. This was the real thing, not a “cheap apology”.
We spoke for a little while about the issue in question, and we both came away with more than we would have, had the incident never occurred: He received a true acceptance of his apology (which I really meant, after he explained), and I doubt he’ll ever be as quick to jump to conclusions. And I learned a lot of good things about his character. Sometimes learning is hard, but good.
What a moving story about how you kept your cool, Karen. Did you know that whenever we are blindsided like that the brain shoots more cortisol into its crevaces and that hormone works against clear thinking? Your response was impressive and an inspiration, in spite of the mistake, and his admission was cool too. Thanks for sharing this one.
Posted by: Ellen Weber | March 27, 2006 10:05 PM | Permalink to Comment